The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating in Russia
If you’ve never dated a Russian woman before, it may seem a bit daunting. You probably think about all the possible ways how you can fuck up. The language barrier could kill the entire vibe and with it your chances. One joke she takes the wrong way and a small cultural misunderstanding has killed your date. Or you simply have never been on a date with such a stunning woman before. I personally find dates with Russian women far easier than dates with girls of other nationalities. In this article I'll show you how you can kill it as well.
The truth is this: women are women are women. The differences are in the nuances and the nuances you really only notice in the long term.
That is why dating Russian women is almost like dating any other nationality. If you know a few cultural particularities there's no way you won't have massive success with these lovely ladies.
That's where this article comes in handy for you. I give you the complete rundown of what you should and shouldn’t do and what you can expect from the first and second date. Most men fuck it up either right at the beginning or after they slept with a girl. I address the former in this article and the latter in another one.
Plus, I'll also throw in a secret little move at the end that I have successfully been using to make girls happily text me after every single date.
I’m about to drop some knowledge so you better read carefully.
What you should NOT do when dating Russian women
Don't be the eager beaver
Let’s get the most obvious point out of the way first.
Don’t be the eager beaver that is jizzing in his pants only because he has a date with a beautiful Russian woman.
Ok, we got it. She’s hot. Get over it. She shits like anyone else. It’s not that big of a deal.
The truth is this: not much is going to happen on the first date. If you come in with high expectations you are setting yourself up for failure. Not only that but you’ll also come across as too eager and too hungry for her attention. Russian women don’t roll like that. If you think you’re going to take her home on the first date then you’re dead wrong.
In fact, you might not even get to kiss her. I've been on many a date where I didn't kiss her. Some guys will advise you to ALWAYS TRY to avoid being friend zoned and communicate your intentions. In my experience, you cannot define a hard rule here. If you lack masculine energy then trying to kiss her might help you because you'll know where you stand, or might harm you because you risk ending up in the "creepy" corner.
Either way, dating in Russia is a marathon not a sprint. Instead of hitting her over the head with sexual energy right at the start, you should keep it short, casual and informal. Don’t be overexcited about meeting her. Don’t run after her like a puppy. Don’t quiz her on her entire life. Eagerness kills attraction. You can never do too little on a first date but it’s very easy to do too much. Keep it friendly, sexy, hold firm eye contact and make sure you don’t get friendzoned. That is the your objective for the first date.
Don't be cheap
I keep mentioning this over and over again across all articles. Simply because it is really fucking important.
Russia is a society where money matters. Being poor isn’t a problem but being perceived as poor will harm you. The only thing which is worse is having money but not being willing to spend it. Women won’t understand if you try to save or get a “good deal”. What matters to them is the impression that you’re not willing to spend money on her. And if you’re not willing to do that then apparently she isn’t important enough to you. Which has a lot of merit to it but that's for a different article...
That sounds like you need to spend tons of cash on her. On the contrary. Spending a lot of money on your woman is neither necessary nor inherently helpful. It very much depends on the frame of your relationship. Most women don't give a damn about money. They only care about what emotions that money can buy. She's not going to get wet from seeing a stack of cash. Neither from a super car. But driving 220 on the highway while she's stroking your dick will get her excited. Regardless whether that's in a Lambo or a Ford.
That's why my most important advice for broke guys is this:
Don’t mention prices. Don’t talk about how much you make. Just do not mention money at all.
If you cannot afford something then simply don’t do it. Don’t go to an expensive venue if it’s too steep for your budget. Even if the woman “seems expensive”, it’s completely ok to do something within your means. You’ll just push problems into the future and multiply them by looking for an “adequate” venue for example. You're unnecessarily raising expectations. Remember, not tha price list excites her her but the overall experience.
I’ve done this mistake multiple times. I was not self-assured enough to take her to a regular venue but instead had to take her to the coolest high-end bar I knew. The booze tastes exactly the same and you’re not going to get any farther with her, it’s just going to be more expensive. Keep the heavy artillery for later when you might need it.
Don't talk about sex too fast
Another no-go is bringing up sex too fast.
Imagine being a hot woman. All day long men think about nothing else but how to fuck you. Then you go out on a date and the guy has nothing better to do than start with pillow talk one hour into the conversation. Sounds good to you?
Russian women are very sensual and sexual. But initially they’re even more wary of you trying to get in their pants fast. As I said, Russia is not a country where sex happens fast. You want to keep it as low-key as possible. Less talk more action.
You have to feel out on the date when it’s an appropriate topic to talk about. Each woman will be different so again, there are no hard and fast rules on what you should do. Take this as a rule of thumb:
Sex talk is best transitioned to from a topic like experiences, experiments, drugs and other “extreme” things. If she’s very open and enthusiastic about these then you can naturally lead into more sensual topics (“you like to experiment, don’t you”).
You do NOT want to quiz her about her past relationships and then start talking about sex. Also DON’T talk about Russian women in general, regardless of your opinion. The less you say the better. No answer that you give her can be more exciting than what she thinks is your opinion.
At some point this topic will come naturally. Don’t evade it. But on the first and even second date you should proceed with caution.
Don't try to impress her
I can’t even comprehend how there are articles out there titled “how to impress a Russian woman”.
That is not the right way to go about this.
The last thing you want to do is try to “impress” her. That means subordination and that is instantly repulsive to ANY woman and to a Russian woman even more so. She wants a man who LEADS not a man who tries.
- Don’t be a try-hard.
- Don’t buy gifts
- Don’t buy flowers (seriously, don’t)
- Don’t talk about your high-paying job
Basically, don’t do anything that will make you a target. The more you try to impress her, the more it’ll sound to her like “I’m not worthy, I want to buy your attention”. That will make you a walking ATM but it sure as shit will not help you build a bond with her.
Also, understand that in Russia understatement is not a thing. EVERY man that she meets is buying her flowers, sending her shit and taking her to the best place he can afford to impress her.
This is your chance.
Let your actions speak and not your words. Tell her you’re going on an adventure and then take her to the shooting range or something like that. She’ll be impressed if spending time with you is EXCITING. There is a time and a place to spend money on women but it’s not initially and it’s not to buy her attention or impress her.
What you SHOULD do when dating Russian women
I shouldn’t even be mentioning this but just to make sure.
There are a couple of pillars that you cannot do without if you want to successfully date a Russian woman. This is one of them. Being masculine means articulating to the world around you that you’re a man that know his value and isn’t afraid to show it. These points are really basic so I will run through them quickly:
- How do you communicate? Do you rush your words or take your time to speak? Do you think before you speak or just blabber along? Are you comfortable with silences and shutting up and LISTENING?
- How is your body language? Are you twitching and moving nervously or do you have a calm presence about you? Are you alert? Do you look away when someone looks at you or are you comfortable with direct eye contact?
- Are you dressed presentably and adequately? Are your clothes fitting your shape and accentuating or hiding what they should be?
Be a leader
You’re a man. She’s a woman. Behave accordingly.
Russia still has gender roles. She’ll automatically submit to you and your job is to lead her. Be decisive in your actions and precise with the words that you use. Don’t be afraid to give her gentle instructions like telling her the dress code of the evening, asking her to make your breakfast or help you with something. These things are considered normal in Russia (I know, in the West that’s sexual harassment). Take her by the hand. Hold eye contact when you speak to her. Complement her (occasionally).
Again, all these things are very BASIC. Make sure you’re not too shy and don’t be a clown. Then you’re already more than halfway there.
Be direct but subtle
Maybe women in other countries don’t roll like that but Russian women love to be chased. They need the courting process. They want to feel desired and in demand. It’s not only ok but recommended that you make your objectives very clear. Tell her this for example:
“You look absolutely beautiful by my side”
GUARANTEED she’ll lap it up like cat milk. Not only is it a compliment but you also subtly communicate that she is yours (“by my side”). You are being very direct but you also subtly communicate what you actually want. That is the key to your success with Russian women.
With them there’s less pretending than with Western women. You can overtly communicate your expectations and desires but you cannot be too in-your-face or even rude with it. Sparingly used compliments are your sharpest weapon.
Don’t ever question her, show insecurity or that she affected you emotionally. Even negative emotions are better communicated directly but without being blunt. Think something like:
“I didn’t like XYZ”
That’s already enough. Don’t request, don’t be too negative. She will draw the right conclusions from it.
What you should do on a date with a Russian woman
Time for some actionable advice on dating venues and tactics for the initial dates.
For the first date you want to do something informal and relaxed. Either grab a coffee or go to a bar. In summer you can also simply go for a walk, Russian women love that. No restaurants, no grand plans, nothing of the sorts. Keep it casual.
For the second date you do the same, just not a repeat of the first date. Let’s say you went for coffee initially, then you want to go to a bar on the second date. That way is better because the other way round can feel like you’re moving backwards since coffee dates aren’t too sexy.
As I mentioned outdoor dates are great as well. Culture works fine too, especially for introverted women. They love going to galleries, exhibitions, the theater and stuff like that. I break down a whole list of successful date venues in this article.
Your basic goal is to get to know her better with every time and also to become more intimate every time. Don’t overpush but don’t be afraid to show her your intentions.
In terms of the actual date it’s very much like with any other woman. Let her do most of the talking, be interested in her and in her culture, reveal positive sides about yourself but don’t be an open book. Make sure you are physically close to her so she’s comfortable with your presence. Don’t sit across from her, sit next to her. Touching is ok but you have to feel out the situation. Some women are more comfortable with this than others. Generally, Russia isn’t a very “touchy” country unlike Latin countries for example.
One word about the language barrier: if you are dating a Russian woman in Russia and don’t speak Russian then language will inevitably be a problem. It’s not a big deal initially but it will become important in the long term. Not having a common language is a BIG problem. I strongly advise learning Russian (and improving her English) because that will solve 90% of miscommunication problems that will come up at some point.
And now for the pro tip that will get you nothing but happy replies.
At the end of every date you want to tell her the following very simple line:
“Text me when you get home”
That line is MONEY. It shows that you care about her, it’s shows leadership (you tell her what to do) and it is impossible to say no to. I actually now use this frequently in other situations as well:
“Text me when you get better”
“Text me when you’re finished with XYZ”
Make sure you are precise with this and don’t pick a point in time that is too far in the future. You do not want to text “Text me when you’re free” because that could be anytime. She’ll forget about it 100%. But if it’s something the same day then use this to your advantage because it shifts the responsibility to her. You’ll also know that women who do not respond are not serious enough with their intentions.
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